How To Meet Black People...

I was up late this evening, surprise surprise, watching TV and the usual 9:45-10 commercials started up. You know the one's I'm talking about, they make you believe that you can be a nasty, lazy slob, layin' all up in your bed but somehow, if you call 1-800-single skanks, you'll meet the love of your life, have meaningful conversation, and discover how to initiate world peace, all for only $19.95/min. How sad.

I digress, so I'm watching late night TV and up comes another one of these D-U-M-B commercials, but it's on during the Wendy Williams show, so it has to be geared toward my people, right? Picture it, a young, black woman sits at a table looking a little lonely and the announcer says, "Are you black? Do you want to meet other black people? Black people who want the same things that you do? Well then, you need to log onto our new site, blackpeoplemeetdotcom". Ok, so there are several things that trouble me right off the bat here, but I'm going to stick to the most troubling. Let me start with this first, very perplexing thought that came to me. What would possess you to ask a black person if they would like to meet other black people? Odds are that, if you're black, you've met at least one other black person in your life, even if it's just a cousin or "GranMama". Next, let me say that, prior to showing the viewer the web address, the announcer simply repeats it several times, "Log onto blackpeoplemeetdotcom, black people meet, black people meat..." Disturbing right? What is this commercial really advertising???!!! YUCK!! (said with much disgust.)
Lastly, do the people who started this site really believe that it's that difficult to meet other intelligent, successful, computer-literate black folks, outside of a Tyler Perry movie?!?!? Like, what would you call a successful black person in the zoo (since we are a rare species, right?). I mean, if you looked at the little plaque that describes them in their natural habitat and gives you the phonetic pronunciation of their scientific name, "Origin: African; Region of Migration: Orange County; Diet includes: Anything from Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles (although they won't openly admit to it), however, since gentrification, sushi is preferred". I asked my daughter that question and she said, "Mom, that's so wrong!" HELLO, that's my point. It's no wronger than blackpeoplemeetdotcom or the word wronger.... Right??? Oh well, I guess I'll just go to bed and hope that I can meet some black people tomorrow

(PS my white friends, it's okay to laugh)

That's Just Nasty.....

Some people can be so disgusting sometimes and some people are just disgusting all of the time. I sit in the same general area of this man at work, who will remain nameless , that could literally wake the dead with his sickly, wet, hacking, mucus filled cough. About every 15 minuets or so, he winds up and lets out this horrible vomit inducing sound. Now when I say cough, I should really say snot fest! He sits at his desk, blows his nose and hacks all day, sans hand washing.... Yes, that's right, you read correctly, he doesn't even wash his hands. YUCK! That's not even the worst of it; after all of that nastiness, he has the nerve to go to the community coffee/tea/ water cooler area and get himself a drink.... Why? Why do you have to spread your illness for all of the rest of to partake in?? I did not ask to come to that party, as a matter of fact, I R.S.V.P'd and emphatically declined to attend, thank you very much!

Now what you must take into account is that in our office we deal with clients on the phone a lot. It's somewhat difficult to discuss anything with anyone when you have to explain to them what some have said to me is, "that horrible sound? Is that person going to be okay?" It's a delicate situation to have to deal with because as an employer you can't just tell someone in the immortal words of Mr.Brown to, " Stop bein' Nastyyyyy" but you have to consider the people that have to deal with the guttural disturbances as well as the hacker... There doesn't seem to be a happy medium but you learn to suck it up, pun sooo intended, and do your best to tune out the sound. It's the adult thing, the bigger thing to do, right? Well let me tell you that all of that being big and adult nonsense went out of the window when the hacker decided to start clipping his nails at his desk . WHAT!!! ???

How does one live themselves like that? I mean you're a no hand washing, at your desk nose blowing, community water cooler contaminating ,snotty cough hacking nightmare and now you want to start clipping your nails at your desk for all to hear? UGH!!! Did I forget to mention that this cough has nothing to do with nasty man being sick, it's what he would like to call a "condition", that has been aggravated by the long term relationship that he seems to be having with this cold he has had forever and a day now. What does one do? It's to the point that people are literally sick to their stomach's and one woman even offered the services of her own doctor just in case he didn't have one of his own. So I guess at the end of the day you have to chalk it up to it being none of your business, bring lots of hand sanitizer, sanitizing wipes and think healthy thoughts right?

How would you handle a situation like this one? I would love, love, love the input.

How Do You Say The Right Thing...

When life rocks you're usually left speechless right? Well, in most cases I've found that people, rather than thinking before decide to become "speechfull", I just made that up, you like that one right... , they more times than not choose not to think about what they are going to say especially in life changing circumstances. This topic has been weighing on me more than usual as of late because my family is in the midst of a life changing circumstance right now.

On Thursday September 2,2010 my dear sister-in-law Terrie, my niece Allison ,nephew James, father-in-law Joe, Randy, ( Terrie's husband Roger's twin brother), and Terrie's dear friend Suzette and I all sat in the surgery waiting room of the hospital for hours waiting to find out what the results of Roger's brain surgery would be and none of us were prepared for what it was that we would hear. When the surgeon came in after almost 5 hours of surgery you could tell by his apprehension and the look on his face that there was something wrong that would cause our family to forever be changed. He told us that Roger has one of the top three most fatal types of cancer and that he may not be able to see or speak after he woke up due to the position that the baseball sized tumor he had removed had taken in Roger's brain. He was able to remove 90% of it, however there was , as he said when he first came in, not much hope that Roger Would be able to see or speak.

In that moment, in that split second, Terrie's life was not the same as it was even 5 minuets before hearing the devastating news, being there you're faced with the question, "What's the right thing for me to say?". How do I say the words that will somehow make right all of the confusion disbelief and shock that is taking place here, how do I comfort, strengthen, love and connect in this moment and the ones to come without sounding trite or nonchalant about everything? I prayed and frantically searched for the words and what I finally heard form the Lord is say nothing, be still and let Me.. You don't argue with that, you shut up and let Him be.

We prayed and we cried and we made phone calls and we all held one another and reassured each other that no matter what we would be there.Some of us asked questions of the doctor, some continued to pray, we all did what we had been given the strength to do int that moment,even if that meant breaking down. There were no words of encouragement or reassurance that things would be alright, just the simple prayers and promises of love offered up by confused, hurting people who were standing at the precipice of the unknown. That's when it dawned on me, there didn't always have to be " the right words", there was just God's word. I guess when He says hide it in your heart, that's not just for informational purposes right! I drew from every part of scripture that I could possibly get my reeling mind around in that moment and the one thing that I knew because of His Word was that the only thing that they couldn't let go of was hope, hope in the Lord.

When we lost our sweet Scarlet, people said some of the dumbest things and then there were those who just didn't come around because they didn't know what to say at all. Both hurt equally and I found that the people who were of the most comfort were the ones who came and just let me be. If I needed to laugh, they laughed with me, if I needed to cry, they cried with me or held me silently while I fell apart, if I needed to get around others, they didn't take no for an answer and either dragged me out or piled into our house. I longed to give to that to Terrie. I wanted her to know that no matter what, she would not walk through this alone. Now don't get me wrong, my sister and brother in law are not lonely people by any means, they have an amazing group of people in their lives who I know are going to be there for them through this but the bottom line is that in situations such as this, it's reassuring to know that someone has looked you in the eye and committed to being there for you. So I guess sometimes the right thing to say is nothing. When someone you love is hurting or scared all you have to do is roll up your sleeves and be the arms of love that Jesus has called us to be and whether that's a load of laundry, dinner or a good crying jag together, words aren't always necessary.

Oh and by the way, Roger can see and has been chatting away for the past few days by God's grace and he is ready to fight this fight with the Lord as his shield and armor! All Glory to the great physician!

What is wrong with people.....

I'm constantly finding myself blown away by some of the stupid things that people say but I usually try to chalk it up to people getting caught up in the moment or having a temporary lapse in active control over their own brain and not really being able to control what they are saying. HOWEVER, when one is writing something down, there is a certain amount of thought and etiquette that goes into putting pen to paper or finger to keyboard, right??? I mean, tell me what could be considered more a permanent than the written word or the virtual word for that matter???

While I hold this standard to be true, I try to keep in mind that I am just one little person with my own opinions and thoughts on how life should be and while I know my way to be true and correct I realize that it will take the rest of the population some time to catch up with me but there are just some things that you know are wrong even if you're stupid. Yes I said stupid, f ace it people, there are stupid people in this world and they, unfortunately, have access to all of the things that you and I intelligent, thoughtful conscientious people do, like cars, T.V., cell phones, public transportation and most finally and most concerning, the Internet and possibly their own computers. So now, let me tell you my story that has caused me to stop my busy evening and run to the computer so that I can share with you what I know in my heart will have you all saying, " I know, right....", by the time you are done reading this.

Now if any of you have read any of my other blogs, you will hear some reoccurring but steadfast themes that I hold dear but rest assured , they are only being unearthed for good reason. Soooo, the newest bugg in my bonnet is getting a swing set for the younger kids and anyone that knows me knows that the first place that I am going to look for ANYTHING that I may need is Craig's List. I'm a bargain hunter or just a cheapskate and I will not pay full price for anything that I don't have to , my poor husband hates shopping with me unless it's for a car.

So let me set this up for you. I have been on Craig's List for about two to three days now, which is usually how long it takes me to find what I am looking for, and I have probably looked at literally, 150 different postings for swing sets. Ohhhh and can I tell you about some of the crap that I have seen. How are you going to post a swing set that I ma supposed to pay your for, on the Internet for $200 and say something asinine like, " Good swing set, a little old and kinda' rusty but I want to get a better one for my kids. This one is nice and may need a little TLC". WHAT???? What would I look like showing up at your house with $200 in cash money, cash money people, to buy some piecea', not piece of but piecea' junk swing set that I'm going to have to get my kids tetanus shots to use??? Well, you would think that this would be the best of the worst that I could find, oh but how wrong you are.

This evening I am again trolling the never ending postings and one catches my eye. Here's the title: " Red Wooden kids swing set-$300"and to top it off there's a picture, so I'm curious now. My nimble little fingers click on the link to the page and as I scroll down I see the seller's Ad, this is all verbatim people, no embellishment, no added color for humor, just what is written and how it appears in the ad and I quote:

"We are selling a red wooden swing set 4 years old I paid $1500 in Some repair needed on some wooden sections, We are wanting a wooden good quality, swing set, play structure and I don't need this wonderful play set, my kids and their friends enjoyed it very much. It has three swings and a slide. The buyer needs to disassemble it from my backyard. Still in good condition. New play set cost thousands of dollars. INTERESTE PLEASE DO NOT BODER CALLING IF YOU'RE NOT A SERIOUS BUYER I DON'T APPRECIATE LOW BALLERS, FLAKES EMAILS AND PEOPLE ASKING ME DUMB ASS QUESTIONS SO IF YOU'RE ONE OF THEM DO NOT WASTE YOURE TIME OR MINE THANK YOU!!!!!!!.............................................. We prefer it with a slide, swings, a fort monkey bars..... We can pay up to $375 cash we are getting rid of it,.. please email me if u are interested. Thank you."

I am, at this point so awestruck by the shear genius of the moron who posted that ad that I am drawn to the scroll bar on my laptop and I have to see this swing set. Where do I begin. I know let's talk about the lopsided "safety", infant swing that's attached to the damn thing and the overgrown ghetto back yard with orange hazard cones laying around it and while there are parts of the wood that are still red... need I say more on that aspect!!! My personal favorite is the rest of the busted up crap laying around the rest of the yard that you would have to climb around, straddle and chuck over the fence to take apart this gem in order to take it home with you.

Now let us take a moment to dissect the actual posting itself, we won't worry about the grammar or sentence structure because let's face it , it could have been late or they could have been tired when they typed this, I've been there and then there's no way to take it back but what excuse can we use for the ignorance? There isn't one! How are you going to in one line type that your children and their little friends loved this play set and then in the next line tell me that you want a good quality one???? Oh and by the way, I 'm pretty sure that somewhere in the Craig's List for dummies book it says, don't post an ad to sell something that you don't want anymore because it's sad and tore down and put in your order in the same ad for the real nice one that you want!!! Come on! How many times have you said . "I know , right", at this point!!!!????

Oh and FYI, your ad's been up for a while brain trust and I may have been someone that sent you an e-mail so are you calling me a dumb ass??? Now I'm really going to consider giving you my money! And one last piece of advise for you my Craig's List friend, don't place your order for the nice swing set you want with all of the things that you want on it that the one you are trying to bamboozle someone else with doesn't have!!!!

There's not much more that I can say except for what I said in one of my older posts, there should be IQ requirements for the Internet just like they have at amusement parks for rides. "If you are not, this smart, you cannot log in." Wow......

50/50

I have a girlfriend that I love dearly and she and her husband have struggled in their marriage in similar ways that my husband and I have, although they haven't been married as long as we have been, I know they feel like they have been married a lifetime with all tht they have been through. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I said that my husband and I struggle in our marriage, just keepn' it real. I once heard that if two people are married and there is no conflict, then one of them is not necessary and the relationship could be carried on by just one of them. Let that settle in for a minuet, I digress.

So back to my girlfriend, listening to her and really hearing her heart I got to thinking. Her husband has been telling her for quite sometime that she doesn't love him enough and is asking her to make some tough decisions that would affect the well being of not just their relationship, but that of their children as well. He is away a lot for work, and she spends a lot of time alone with her kids. Recently he told her that as hard as it would be for him , it would be best for their family if he took some time away to get himself together and see if he felt like things could work out. I couldn't help but think when I was listening to her about how I felt when I had only been married a few years with a house full of little one's and no real identity of my own and how it would have made me feel to hear my husband tell me tht he was going to leave to figure things out. So here goes, just let me ramble a little.

He has and is making made decisions that ultimately have led to the chain reaction that she and her children will have to suffer with, that's the nature of all relationships, what we do on our own, affects the whole because none of us is really and truly without ties to anyone. We've all made mistakes and and not been as understanding as we need to be, of course, as women, especially independent, strong women who have had to make our way through difficult childhoods don't tolerate passive, reactionary behavior. Men behave like that when they feel like we won't "let" them fix what's wrong, they wait until they feel like there is something to fix and then move forward. Men fix things that they see as broken and women heal them. It's the age old dichotomy. When you mix that independent spirit with the need to heal things and throw in a little heartbreak and disappointment you get a big hot steaming pot of "girl, put your boots on, pick up the pieces, batten the hatches and ensure the safety of your family at ALL costs even at the expense of your relationship with your husband. This is not God's plan for marriage. He wants us to let our husbands take the lead in order to protect us and our children as they have been called to do in Scripture. Wives are called to trust them and honor the role that he has called them to. The constant struggle between you and he, I told her, is the same one that couples have and will always deal with. It goes a little something like this. He says to her; "You always want control, it always has to be your way and you won't follow my lead" to which she responds, "I would follow you into the dark if I could only know for sure that you wouldn't leave me there stranded feeling around for the light switch!"

So how do you fix it, what do you do to make it work? I'm racking my brain trying to be relevant , understanding and supportive . What do I say after all of that? You know me, I 'm never at a loss for words for too long.

This is what the Lord laid on my heart. What has to happen is mutual respect. The kind that grows out of trust, consistency and intimacy. The ups and downs of relationships come and go and it's the easy way out to say that time alone to get your head straight is what is going to be enough to make the decision as to whether or not to stay together. How can you succeed , grow closer, learn about each other? One person can't make all of the sacrifices and take one for the team all of the time. We are meant to fill one another, not just constantly pour out. Now I am not an advocate for staying in a relationship where ther is emotional or physical or substance abuse, but if that's not the case, what are supposed to do, what does the Lord want? I'm tired of hearing that relationships are 50/50. No relationship, especially marriage is 50/50.Any relationship that is 50/50 only has about a 50/50 chance of making it. What if we changed our thinking and made our relationships 100/100. Giving our best, all that we have, even when we don't want to. All that we have to serve, understand, comfort and love, a CHOICE, not a feeling, to the point where the needs of the other person are our second nature. You can only get to a point like that by stepping on each other's toes long enough to finally start looking around for their feet before you step out and then after some time you realize that before you even look around you already know where they are.

It's like dancing. Would you ask a toddler to waltz? Of course not! But why? Because they don't have the skills, you don't get angry with them when they say I don't know how. You show them grace. Can we show each other some grace??? But what about when your 16 year old looks at you, that same 16 year old you paid for driving school for, bought the car for, pay the note on, insure monthly and register yearly, what about when that same 16 year old looks at you and with a straight face asks you for a ride to their friends house to hang out because they are too tired to drive,"Oh and by the way, after you drop me off can you please grab something for us to eat and bring it by." Now if you were me you would respond with " Sweetheart, you had better get up off of it and use those Chevrolegs that God gave you to get wherever you need to go. Ask me again I dare you!!" Maybe that's my whole problem, that very attitude. ANYWAY........ Why, why is it ok to feel that way when you are asked to go out of your way when you feel like you have already done so much , I mean you held up your end of the bargain, your half, your 50% Well, there it is again that 50/50 thing. I guess that's my whole point.

Think about it for a minuet, what if, what if Jesus said "Enough, this is enough, I don't deserve this, I haven't done anything wrong and I have taken about as much of your sin on myself as I can bear. I am done. I need some time to clear my head and I'll let you know how I'm feeling about getting back up there." He gave it all 100%, the cross was not half of what He, as God and man, could do, it was all.

That's love, giving all, even when "all" you have left is just just the tiniest little bit.... Ok So off of the soap box for now. What do you think Let me know.

Si dye vle....

Tonight I choose not to rant, but to share my thoughts with all who care to read them. I am not one who is generally given to the media's need to commercialize, over blow and capitalize off of human suffering, but I must say that I have been glued to the television since I came home this evening. Let me start at the beginning.

I am so immersed in my family, my job and just the daily goings on of my life in general that I try , as often as circumstances allow, to keep it light and stay away from the news and depressing headlines of the paper. So as a general rule, I live the daily update vicariously through my husband. I first heard the news that there had been an earthquake in Haiti when my husband told me that some of the families from our children's school were waiting to find out if some of their family members were safe as they were on a missions trip in Haiti, in Port -Au-Prince as a matter of fact. My heart went out to them, but I thought, we live in the land of earth quakes, how bad can it be. Looking back , I feel a little ashamed about my thinking.. Ok, let's face it I feel like a jerk because my bougie, OC attitude dictated my world view. I mean really, the whole world isn't retrofitted for earthquakes and there probably isn't earthquake preparedness week for school children in Mirebalais. I had to change my perspective and it started with me taking a step back.

Tonight, while my husband was putting the children to bed, I just stopped, sat down and turned on the television. I saw parents on their knees crying out, begging for someone to help them save their only child left, who was trapped beneath 1,000 lbs of cracked cement and wire in the structure that was their classroom. I watched a family bury their 28 year old daughter Brigette, a school teacher, who they said didn't have to die because when they found her she was alive, but there was no place for them to take her for help. Her family allowed the news cameras to follow them as they walked to bury her, because they wanted to make sure that people knew her name and remembered her. I do... I looked on as reports who are generally puffed up and full of crap, get choked up, to the point of speechlessness as they listened to the screams of people who were trapped in the buildings behind them. I watched the world stop and cry together for a nation of people, not a country but her people for whom they could do nothing else but pray.


I sat there heart heavy and so torn. I felt useless, helpless, not just because of my initial casual attitude but because now I was moved by compassion to do something, to help the people of Haiti. To make a difference! How, what, where, I'm just a working mom from South County, how can I do anything to help ease the suffering of these people? I'm not rich, I don't have any great platform form which to shout to the nations of the world to tell them to reach out help the people of Haiti. What can I do?!!??!

I vascilated between feelings of motivation and defeat for about an hour until I decided that all that I would Blog. I know, I know, "anticlimactic much Roge", is what you're thinking rigth now, but find that sometimes when there is so much in your heart and you don't necessarily get it all, if you write it down, it makes it just a little bit easier to ponder. So what am I thinking now you ask, well, let me leave you with a few things:

Larry King: "So Krista, you were teaching English language prepardness to Haitian citizens when you were caught in this earthquake, right?"

Krista: With a peaceful smile on her face and beaming with peace,"Yes Larry, I was."

Larry King: " So what is it that you are studying in college that brought you to Haiti?"

Krista: Again with a smile, " Sustainability"

Interview on Larry King Live, Special edition 1/15/10, with American Citizen, Krista Brelsford who was caught in the Haiti quake and has lost her right leg from the keen down due to the injuries she sustained trying to escape the building she taught in.

" The camera lens is too small to capture what is truly going on

here..... " Anderson Cooper on the gravity of the situation that he is reporting on in

Haiti.

" To the people of Haiti, we say to you that you will not be forsaken, you will

not be forgotten".. President Barak Obama

For me, these quotes mean quite a bit. I'm a conservative Republican, yeah, I said it and I usually don't pay a whole lot of attention to what is on CNN, but it was the first channel that I turned on that I found news about the earth quake on and I just went with it and it made me think. I realized , in that moment it didn't matter to me what, who or when was reporting in that moment, it wasn't about that, it was about listening to the cries of the people who need for others like me, people like you, to make sure they get the do the most important thing that they they can, pray.

Things that Kinda' bug me

Well, I haven't ranted in a while. I've been gathering material. So since I've been gone so long, I figure I will just make a list of the things that have been bugging me lately, so getcha self a bowl of popcorn and a coke and settle in for Roge's top 20 list of things that have made her say "Really?" over the past few months,

#20. My two middle children spitting on each other, it's a new game at our house. Extremely sanitary, I know!

#19. The smell that's in my car right now, old cheeseburgers and playdough, again very sanitary...

#18.The guy at the drive through window at the Taco Bell up the street who when I ask for some ketchup and salt responds with ,"how many do you want?", not so bad right? Well when I say "oh, a few" and he asks me to be more specific..... need I say more. He does it every stinkin' time I go there.

#17. Whoever let their dog throw up in front of my driveway and left there the other night... Way to support the HOA!

#16.The guy who comes into my office to talk to me and while he's waiting decides to remove his underware from his butt.. Way to start off the week..

#15. People who cuss other people out while you're on the phone with them. I mean this man called his wife everything but the name her parents gave her and then says to me, "Sorry, I couldn't hear you can you repeat that."

#14. When the cashier at the checkstand sees me, my husband and our four kids with one shopping cart walk up to check out and asks, "Are you all together??" There are times that I am tempted to say, no, I just follow random white men around Target for kicks!!

#13. When you tell someone specifically what to do and a few minuets later they come back and ask you," So what did you want me to do?"

#12. That one person and you know who you are who, rather than saying that they want to talk to you walks up behind you or next to you, location is unimportant and sighs really loudly so that you'll ask them what they need. I have taken to just walking away

#11.That embarrassed feeling that I get when I go back for seconds at the CostCo sample tables. I feel like I'm stealing. ( That makes me sound fat and greedy doesn't it?) We all do it, but strangely enough we all feel that way.


And now, for the the Top 10

#10. That stupid little green patch on facebook, I can't even water the plants in my house.

#9.When I get the bill for my pedicure and it includes callous remover, I didn't ask for callous remover? and when I ask the lady why that's on there she says " Oh, honey I have to put callous remover, your feet are so rough" There went your tip sweetheart!

#8.Infomercials that test my intelligence. I really am not too stupid to find my keys in my purse or believe that I can grow grass on cement blocks or drop two dress sizes by hanging upside down.

#7.People who take their kids to Chuckie Cheese and don't watch them. "Excuse me , mam, could you please tell your sweet little angel to quit drinking off of my soda, I know the refills are free, but gimme a break!!"

#6. The lady driving in front of me last night who decided, while going 30 MPH up Crown Valley Parkway, just to stop her car in the middle of the road while she figured out if she wanted to turn left or right. Did I mention we were both in the middle lane?

#5.It's late and I'm tired so I guess you'll just have to wait, won't you!!!