The Parking Lot

Let me just preface what I'm about to share with you by letting you know that there are few things in this world that surprise me anymore. I'm married and I have four kids so I think I've seen just about everything. Now that you know this about me, let me set up for you the scene that took place last night in the Target parking lot. Yes......., I know, for those of you who have read any of my blogs you know that I frequent bargain stores.I can't resist a good deal. Even if it is on stuff like 10lbs of generic bologna. Like I've said in the past, don't judge me. I digress.

Ok, so it's about 8:30 last night and I finally leave Target which was actually not as horrific an experience as I thought it was going to be. As I'm scanning the parking lot to try and remember where I left my car this time, I notice a couple with a shopping cart full of goodies on the way to their car. They looked happy. Like they were finally done Christmas shopping and didn't have to go into another stinking store until after Christmas!!! Do I sound bitter because I'm not done shopping?


After about a minuet or so I finally spot the aisle where I'm parked and head for it when all of a sudden I hear a loud scream. It was the happy couple! What could possibly ruin being done with Christmas shopping ?!! I turned to see what was going on and watched a man backing out of a parking spot directly into the wife and their shopping cart, but it gets better. After he hits her he straightens out his car, pulls back into the parking spot, backs up again, hits her again then pulls into his parking spot nice and straight, gets out of his car and goes to walk into the store. Now I'm thinking, this man obviously knows he hit this woman, I mean she's not bleeding but he hit a human being!!!!!!!!!! So the husband goes after the guy and says, "Hey !@$#% hole, where do you think you're going, don't you realize you just hit my wife?!!!!!"To which the driver replies, wait for it, wait for it, " Well !@#$% hole yourself, your wife shouldn't have been behind my car!" What?????????? I really couldn't believe what I had just heard, but nothing could have prepared me for what was coming out of this idiots mouth next. He looks at the husband, who's about ready to charge at him and with a staright face says" Who do you think you're yellin' at and what the hell are the two of you doin' walkin around in a parking lot anyway? You're just stupid you two shouldn't be walkin' around in a parking lot!!" I guess what he said stunned the husband just as much as it did me because he just stood there in shock staring at this moron as he walks into Target. Who hits a person and then blames them for it? Who does that? Heaven forbid anyone should walk around in a parking lot, who walks around in a parking lot to get to their car anymore ? That argument makes about as much sense as me telling my four year old to flush the toilet after she's done to which she replies, " but I can't reach the sink!"HUH? So if I say, you hit my wife, the obvious response should not be, "Well why are you walkin' around in a parking lot!"

All that to say I guess there are still a few things left in this world that surprise me.

Wal-Mart People

So it's that most magical time of year again when I wind up going to Wal-Mart at least 10 times a week and at the most obscene hours, they're open until midnight for those of you who didn't know. The bright spot about going though isn't the reasonably priced merchandise, no no, and it's not the smell of McDonald's french fries that fills the air, it's the boost in my self confidence that I get by the time I leave!! No matter how many times I see it happen I am always amazed by the absolute stupidity of some of the people who walk through those doors. I've decided that there should be an IQ requirement in order to shop there. The self check out stations. That's all I have to say, well not really, but you know what I mean. I cannot tell you how many times I have stood on line behind some nut bag who keeps making the help light flash on the check stand because she's scanned her deodorant 15 times and can't understand why her total is $35 when all she bought is that one stick of deodorant. Or the lady that has two cart fulls of stuff and she just couldn't bring herself to wait on line for a checker so she goes to the self check out where the signs clearly read 15 items or less, why? Why? But my personal favorite is "Why won't this scan lady". You know who she is. She's the one who scans something and then stands there with it in her hand, staring at the screen that's clearly flashing please place item in bag and as she proceeds to scan her next item with her current item still in her hand can't figure out what went wrong. Oh how I have longed to punch someone at Wal- Mart self check out station. Here's the thing though, I keep going to the self check out station. I guess maybe I have faith in humanity and I'm hoping that one day I might wind up in line behind someone with whom I don't have to hold back the urge for violence with. One can dream. Oh well, until the bar gets raised on who they let into Wal-Mart I guess I"ll just settle for a little comic relief and anger management.

Talk Radio

So generally when I'm in my car I'm subjected to silly songs with Larry , Radio Disney or the Jonas Brothers, but on the rare occasions that I'm alone in the car or any or all of my kids have fallen asleep ,I turn on talk radio. That's about as close to adult conversation as I can get before 5pm on a  weekday!  I listen to the occasional news and sports shows but my favorites are the psychology shows. What is it about us as human beings that makes us want to listen to other people's complaints,heartaches and life drama and judge them while we do so? I don't know, but I  intend to keep on tuning in. 

So how it works is that people who are  in a bad situation or in need of advice with a problem call in to these shows, sit on hold for hours so that they can spill as much of their guts before commercial break to a total stranger. Ok, so the first thing that really gets me about the people who call in is that they all say the same thing, " Hi thanks for taking my call, so I have a question for you", really, really? We all know that you have a question, hence you called the show.... Then they start talking and talking and talking, then once they give the host a chance to talk it's usually time for a commercial and I am left feeling totally frustrated ,ugh, just answer the question PLEASE!!! I'm waiting for someone to impart wisdom on this sad, sad person who just called in and instead some stinking sponser is trying to sell me a new heating and air system. I don't need new heating and air, Sally Smith needs someone to help her figure out wether or not she should dump her boyfriend  since she has recently found out that he'll be relocating out of state to be closer to his wife and kids! She's not sure if the distance will put a strain on their relationship!!!!!

Don't these people have loved ones in their lives to tell them how very wrong things like this are. Probably not, because because they have used up all of their free time sitting on hold waiting to talk to an expert rather than cultivating the relationships in their lives. Well I guess that's enough on that. Oh, did I forget to mention that the real reason that I am complaining  about this subject is because I'm the one that calls and never get through or on the rarity that I do I'm told "today's show was previously recorded, call back tomorrow" Do I sound bitter?

Outsmarted by My Four Year Old....

Ok so just when I think  I'm smarter than all of my children , my four year old says something that makes me feel collasley stupid and at a loss. How she does it, I will never know, but I am always taken off guard by it. Anyone with me on this? Well if not, it's just one more thing that I can talk to my therapist about.  So here it is.

 It's that lovely time of year when we all start, pulling out our warm clothes , going to Starbucks for their very festive Christmas cups and for most of us in Southern Ca, turning on our fireplaces,( since most of them are gas and not wood burning), and fighting for parking spaces in the mall.   AH yes, the holiday's. They seem to start earlier and earlier every year, but you know what seems to come earlier now too, yep you guessed it, well if you didn't I'm going to tell you anyway. It's all of that child directed advertising. I am so sick of all of the commercials that make my four year old daughter think that she should be an easy bakin', Barbie and the diamond whatever, Bratz super rock'n' roll something or other princess who has to have her own so chic hair styln' studio. What ever happened to tinker toys and maybe a dolly?  Ok so now that you know where my frustration comes from, enter the four year old. 

During the day I have been known to let the electronic babysitter watch the children while they watch it, don't judge me. Well this allows a lot of opportunity for my kids to see all of those afore mentioned commercials. Daily my daughter watches them and says "Oh, mommy, I'm getting that for my birthday, ( which happens to be in November)", to which I reply, "We'll see sweetie, you know you can't have everything ". Now that's a  very responsible, honest parental answer right? Right.   Day after day we do the dance, I want it, well you may not get it, I want it, well you can't have it all and then one day, it happened. I was outsmarted. 

We were having a lazy Friday morning and we were watching a cartoon  and inevitably the commercials start.  Why do I have a DVR anyway, you should be able to fast forward through the junk you don't want to watch! I digress . So my daughter starts in with, "I want that for Christmas Mommy". Oh I'm getting that for Christmas Mommy, Santa is going to bring me that Mommy". Now I figure I'm going to pull out another one of the honest, parental answers but before I can my daughter looks at me and says, "I don't want that for my birthday, I want that for Christmas, Santa has enough money for all of it".  WHAT!!!!! Okay so what do I say now? When did she make the connection between me saying no and money? Do I destroy her faith in the fat man and say ,"No dear there is no Santa,I'm sorry your father and I have been lying to you,' or even better, 'Due  to the current economic down turn sweetie, Santa has had to liquidate all of his holdings in the  North Pole and lay off half of the elves, so  you won't be getting that for Christmas this year!!!  DUHHHHHHH, is all I could think.  My husband and I told her about Santa  and we talk the guy up all year long ,we use him to threaten the children into being good . I mean, I'm  the one who  plops the little girl down in front of the TV to watch all of that contemptable material. Os whose fault is it really, the advertisers, my husband and I or Santa's? I'm gonna go with Santa. So there you have it, outsmarted by my four year old. Check and mate!