When life rocks you're usually left speechless right? Well, in most cases I've found that people, rather than thinking before decide to become "speechfull", I just made that up, you like that one right... , they more times than not choose not to think about what they are going to say especially in life changing circumstances. This topic has been weighing on me more than usual as of late because my family is in the midst of a life changing circumstance right now.
On Thursday September 2,2010 my dear sister-in-law Terrie, my niece Allison ,nephew James, father-in-law Joe, Randy, ( Terrie's husband Roger's twin brother), and Terrie's dear friend Suzette and I all sat in the surgery waiting room of the hospital for hours waiting to find out what the results of Roger's brain surgery would be and none of us were prepared for what it was that we would hear. When the surgeon came in after almost 5 hours of surgery you could tell by his apprehension and the look on his face that there was something wrong that would cause our family to forever be changed. He told us that Roger has one of the top three most fatal types of cancer and that he may not be able to see or speak after he woke up due to the position that the baseball sized tumor he had removed had taken in Roger's brain. He was able to remove 90% of it, however there was , as he said when he first came in, not much hope that Roger Would be able to see or speak.
In that moment, in that split second, Terrie's life was not the same as it was even 5 minuets before hearing the devastating news, being there you're faced with the question, "What's the right thing for me to say?". How do I say the words that will somehow make right all of the confusion disbelief and shock that is taking place here, how do I comfort, strengthen, love and connect in this moment and the ones to come without sounding trite or nonchalant about everything? I prayed and frantically searched for the words and what I finally heard form the Lord is say nothing, be still and let Me.. You don't argue with that, you shut up and let Him be.
We prayed and we cried and we made phone calls and we all held one another and reassured each other that no matter what we would be there.Some of us asked questions of the doctor, some continued to pray, we all did what we had been given the strength to do int that moment,even if that meant breaking down. There were no words of encouragement or reassurance that things would be alright, just the simple prayers and promises of love offered up by confused, hurting people who were standing at the precipice of the unknown. That's when it dawned on me, there didn't always have to be " the right words", there was just God's word. I guess when He says hide it in your heart, that's not just for informational purposes right! I drew from every part of scripture that I could possibly get my reeling mind around in that moment and the one thing that I knew because of His Word was that the only thing that they couldn't let go of was hope, hope in the Lord.
When we lost our sweet Scarlet, people said some of the dumbest things and then there were those who just didn't come around because they didn't know what to say at all. Both hurt equally and I found that the people who were of the most comfort were the ones who came and just let me be. If I needed to laugh, they laughed with me, if I needed to cry, they cried with me or held me silently while I fell apart, if I needed to get around others, they didn't take no for an answer and either dragged me out or piled into our house. I longed to give to that to Terrie. I wanted her to know that no matter what, she would not walk through this alone. Now don't get me wrong, my sister and brother in law are not lonely people by any means, they have an amazing group of people in their lives who I know are going to be there for them through this but the bottom line is that in situations such as this, it's reassuring to know that someone has looked you in the eye and committed to being there for you. So I guess sometimes the right thing to say is nothing. When someone you love is hurting or scared all you have to do is roll up your sleeves and be the arms of love that Jesus has called us to be and whether that's a load of laundry, dinner or a good crying jag together, words aren't always necessary.
Oh and by the way, Roger can see and has been chatting away for the past few days by God's grace and he is ready to fight this fight with the Lord as his shield and armor! All Glory to the great physician!
